Frequently asked Questions
What is the difference between therapy or counselling and grief support?
Grief support is not therapy- therapy and counselling focus on formal psychological principles , that use distinct frameworks such as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), Psychotherapy, DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) etc. Therapy encompasses childhood experiences, trauma and mental illness . Grief support is focused on the completely natural human response to any significant loss. Despite being messy, painful, life changing and heart wrenching grief is not a disorder or mental illness. If at any time, and most commonly during intake or initial sessions, should there be signs/ symptoms beyond the scope of my capacity as a support provider you will be referred to a licensed mental health professional. This does happen and is for your emotional safety and security and not a reflection of your capacity to manage your grief. As a mental health advocate I want you to receive the care you need – whether that is with me, or through a recommended therapist, psychologist, or clinical social worker. You and I will work through your grief based on your unique needs. That may mean you feel completely overwhelmed and unable to go into feelings yet and need support in a daily ‘action plan’ that feels like your keeping a simple schedule and accomplishing small tasks instead of feeling overwhelmed by it all. It could mean we focus on the body and allowing it to feel safe, supported and nourished. Or it may mean we go into what grief means for you just TODAY, just right now, one step at a time.
How are sessions held online?
Sessions are held via Zoom, you will need a reliable high speed internet connection and audio/visual capabilities from your phone, tablet, or laptop. You do not need a Zoom account, you will be sent a meeting ID. Technical specifics for Laptop/Mac: Windows 10 or 11 , or Mac OS 10.13 or higher. For mobile phones & tablets iOS 13 or Android 9.0 or later is required to use Zoom. Applicable web browsers are Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Microsoft Edge. Basic proficiency with Zoom is required such that session time can be spent on grief support. Please ensure you are in a quiet, comfortable space without distractions.
What if I do not live in Canada or do not speak English well?
At this time I work only with Canadians in CAN dollars. There are an incredible amount of highly qualified Grief Support workers outside Canada that would appreciate being able to help you. Unfortunately I am only fluent in English at this time, and can only accept fluent English speaking clients (Stage II CLB 7 or above).
If you did not go through my specific loss how do I know you can help me?
The truth is you don’t know… nobody has gone through your exact loss. The most common inquisition is from grieving parents who have lost a child. ‘How can you possibly help me if you have never lost a child, and don’t know that pain?’ . I have never lost a child, and if someone prefers to get support from others who have been in their loss position, I absolutely encourage them to find the right fit. But I do know pain. Excruciating pain, and loss. And I want to know more about yours. I can be in it with you – without having experienced the exact circumstances. Even someone who has lost a child, has never lost your child. Your loss is completely unique to you- and so is your grief. I am not offering fixes, healing, or the end of the pain. I’m offering to walk with you in it, to be a safe environment to get out the feelings that make you feel like youre the only one suffering like this. I’m here with you- not to take away the pain but to ease the suffering and find a way back from the dark to a place where life feels manageable again.
I can't afford the session rate but I still need help with my grief, what can I do?
I see a low volume of paying clients as 60% of my time is spent volunteering in the community with low income individuals. I do this because I know what it’s like to be disabled, unable to work and on a tight fixed income. There is a waitlist, however I would encourage you to email with proof of disability/low income status and I will discuss options when an opening is available for you. You can also access numerous FREE options for Grief support in Canada. Most Hospice Associations provide free group and 1 on 1 support. You can also access the Canadian Grief Alliance Website, which has trusted resources, services and videos. If you need more immediate assistance and want to talk to someone about your grief you can call the BC Bereavement Helpline or visit Here to Help BC for more information and a phone number. David Kessler is a world renowned grief expert and who I was trained under for my Grief Educator Certification, he is the founder of Grief.com and Tender Hearts – an online support platform with loss specific groups (Loss of a child, spouse, sibling, suicide etc.)
My loss is not death related, can I still be helped?
Absolutely- grief is a result of loss. That loss can be the loss of your home, job, community, sense of safety, friendship, identity, sexuality, marriage, fertility, hopes & dreams, independance, health, innocence, or imagined futures. There is a lot of grief after surviving an abusive relationship, sexual assault or childhood neglect & abuse. It can also be the ambiguous loss of someone who is aging, terminally ill, or emotionally absent due to addiction , mental illness or dementia. There tends to be more stigma around non-death related loss but the brain actually responds to substantial loss in similar ways with a similar grief pattern as if it were a death. Your loss matters, let’s talk about it together. For example- a woman who loses her breasts to cancer will go through a mourning very similar to a death . Someone transitioning sexes will go through a period of grief and mourning for the identity they held up for all those years. Someone who loses all their possessions in a house fire or catastrophe will mourn the loss of their safe space and memories. Loss is loss, and grief is grief. It doesn’t need to be compared to be relevant. If you feel it- it’s real, and it deserves care and tending to.
Is Grief support just talking?
Grief Support involves more than just talking in a session. There are somatic components to grief that are important to address as grief can affect the body and the nervous system in numerous ways. Creating rituals, personalized memorials, grief sensory toolkits and memory boxes can also be incredibly helpful. Sessions are individualized and we will use the things that speak to you personally to manage your grief and move forward in life. I believe community to be incredibly important in grief, and so we will look at how your community may be able to support you – and how you may eventually be able to be a support to others in your community. Connection is what helps most when it comes to loss. As humans we are all wired for connection – that connection can be the difference between isolating ourselves in our pain and feeling embraced and supported by others. Grief support is all about listening, being present, and connecting so that you feel safe, supported and truly seen. Talking is not enough, there has to be genuine care, compassion ,comfort and curiosity.
My grief is from a traumatic death, from violence or suicide - what if I dont want to talk about it?
It’s ok. We can move at your pace, and you never have to discuss or share anything you’re not comfortable with. Traumatic deaths- sudden deaths, murders, suicides, stabbings, death from sexual assault can sometimes elicit a ‘freeze’ response where it feels like you can’t discuss or even think about it. In that case we will start with how your grief feels, how you’ve been able to make it through so far – and what you’re struggling with most -how it’s affecting your life, and how we can get you feeling safe, supported and able to survive the tragedy that happened . You don’t need to do, or say anything actually- you can just be – and I’ll be with you.
